The Rules Of Living At 221B
by booknerdhere
Summary: Life at 221B is hectic, and there are some rules. Well... a lot. -Seraphine Holmes
1. Chapter 1

Hello my faithful readers! This is a totally random idea that my friend and I came up with. We were... BORED! So yes, this is co-written by me and Jezabel.at.221B, who is actually my real life friend. Just so you know, there are some sorta-kinda spoilers for the future stories in my "Life's Not Fair" series... Just warning you. So if you don't want spoilers, do not keep reading. Like, at all XD Enjoy!

To All My Blog Readers,

Since I have nothing better to do, I have decided to make a list of things you should and should not do when you live at 221B. For all you who don't know, my name is Seraphine Holmes. I am the daughter of Sherlock Holmes, and I live at 221B Baker Street with Papa and John, who I call Uncle John. My mother is Irene Adler... but she's never here. Ever. I'm pretty sure I was an accident, but I don't care, because Papa still loves me. So, here we go. I present to you "Rules Of Living At 221B".

-Sera

1. Never say that you're bored.

I did that once... Papa made me organize his sock index... Again. I don't see why I can't be bored. He always seems to be bored, and no one make _him _do things for them when _he _says it!

2. Speaking of Papa's sock index, DO. NOT. TOUCH.

Unless you are reorganizing it for him, don't touch it. I took a pair of socks once, because they were MINE, and Papa had taken all mine. I only took one pair... I got a very long talk about touching Papa's experiments afterwords.

3. Don't touch Papa's experiments either.

The last time I so much as poked one, I caught the flat on fire. And then I had to pay for the damage. Which isn't quite fair, because Papa is always catching the flat on fire, and he never has to pay for it.

4. Don't ever touch Uncle John's gun.

Ever. Don't even look at it. Uncle John almost shot Papa after he shot the wall... again... And I remember because Papa almost hit me that time.

5. Don't walk around in a sheet.

Just because Papa walks around in sheets all day, doesn't mean I can apparently. That was Uncle John's rule. He said, and I quote, "I can barely handle one sheeted person. Definitely not two."

6. Don't ever mention Irene Adler.

Papa yelled at me and sent me to my room when I asked "If Irene is my mother, why is she never here... and why can't we invite her over?"

7. Do not, do not, do NOT interrupt Papa when he's in his Mind Palace.

Not good... that's all I can say. Very much not good. And not just a 'bit not good' like Uncle John says... REALLY not good.

8. Don't touch Papa's coat. Or scarf.

He's a little too over protective of his scarf and coat. He will LITERALLY scream like a little girl if your try to take them away... well, maybe not the coat, but definitely the scarf. He's always telling the story of how he used to have a blue scarf, but that one got burned by Sebastian Moran, and Uncle John gave him his red one.

9. Don't stand on top of tall things.

Be it the fire escape, or even the back of the sofa. Papa and Uncle John are both paranoid about that... And they still won't tell me why.

10. Don't ask Papa why he always wears long-sleeved things.

He'll simply ignore you. There's no use in asking.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! I hope you liked the first chapter! Here's the second one. Me and .221B are working on the third! If you have any suggestions for rules, send me a PM, or put one in your review, and it may just make it in! :) Enjoy!

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11. Never ask Papa about his childhood.

The one time I asked, he gave me this terribly sad look and said "Sera, that's for another day." I will never ask again, because that look almost killed me. I hate it when Papa is sad.

12. Do not feed Papa sugar.

He never eats... except when what he's eating contains a lot of sugar... and after he eats it he's REALLLLLY hyper. Even more hyper than my cousin Anise.

13. Speaking of Anise, don't encourage her.

She's bad enough without ideas, always really hyper and getting into trouble. And besides, encouraging her makes her father (my Uncle Mycroft) quite angry. Although Papa does it anyways. He loves Anise. She's definitely his favorite niece. I like her a lot too, but I know better than to encourage her in her antics.

14. Don't make jokes about Uncle Mycroft's diet and slight overweightness in front of the British Government himself.

He'll give you this look. I like to call it "The Evil Glare of Death".

15. Do not call Uncle Mycroft the British Government.

Or the Queen for that matter. Calling him this will only get you the Evil Glare of Death.

16. Do not say that Uncle Mycroft is married to Jim Moriarty.

Yes, they are commonly known as the Queen and the King... but neither of them appreciate it. You might get killed for saying that.

17. Don't wear Uncle John's jumpers as night shirts.

I once took his favorite jumper (the tan one) and wore it to bed. He was fuming the next day... but now I understand why he always wears them... they're so comfy! Please get me one Papa!

18. Don't ask Papa why he's in the hospital.

He's ALWAYS in the hospital... and no one will tell me why. I have a feeling it has something to do with Jim most of the time... but you never know. Maybe I'm wrong.

19. Don't make fun of Uncle John when he doesn't make the right deductions.

I almost feel bad for him... even though its kinda funny... I'm positive that he really does try, but he can never seem to get the right answers and is always corrected by Papa. I was surprised, because when Papa took me to my first crime scene I made a deduction and it was correct! Papa was really proud!... and Uncle John just glared at Papa. I'm pretty sure that glare said: "Darn your intelligence that you are now passing on to your child".

20. Don't compare Papa to an otter, or Uncle John to a hedgehog.

Actually, don't compare ANYONE to an animal. It really gets on people's nerves. Even I find it slightly annoying... although its funny watching Papa's reactions when he sees the pictures.

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Reviews are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys! Here is chapter 3, brought to you by booknerdhere and .221B!

If you have any suggestions for rules, feel free to put them in your review or PM either of us! Thanks!

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Sherlock. We do in fact own Seraphine though. :)

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21. Don't ever go to Uncle Mycroft's without asking Papa first.

Papa will FREAK OUT if you go without asking... but how will I ever see my cousins if I ask? Because when I DO ask he says no!

22. For that matter, don't leave the house at all without asking.

It causes chaos, havoc, worried fathers, worried uncles, and unneeded policemen along with unwanted attention.

23. Watching any telly program or movie about Papa is banned.

We watched this movie that was honoring Papa. The actor playing Papa was called Robert Downey Junior or something like that... Papa started yelling about how he is nothing like that and got so frustrated with the inaccurate deductions, he shot the telly.

24. Don't even _pretend _to be smarter than Papa.

I'm pretty sure he has the highest IQ _ever... _and even if you're just pretending he'll show you up and make you look like a complete and utter fool, no matter who you are and who's watching.

25. Doctor Who marathons have been banned.

Uncle John and I FINALLY convinced Papa to watch Doctor Who with us. He acted like he didn't like it, but I know he did. So one day we decided to have a marathon and watch Doctor Who all day long. At the end of the day, Uncle John emerged from his room dressed in a blue suit, white shirt, a red tie and red converse, and holding a sonic screwdriver... I do believe he actually thought he was the Doctor... He even _spiked his hair._

26. When Uncle John watches so much of a telly program or movie that he thinks he's one of the characters... I am not allowed to join in.

When Uncle John thought he was the Doctor, I just rolled with it and grabbed a blond wig from my costume box, and put on jeans, a union jack t-shirt and a pink jacket and stood by Uncle John saying "Rose Tyler to the rescue!"... Papa threatened to take us to the hospital.

27. Be careful what you dress up as on Halloween.

One year Uncle John and I decided to be sort of matching on Halloween. So Uncle John dressed as Papa, and I dressed as Uncle John. It was awesome! Although Papa wasn't to amused... He took our wigs the next day and threw them in a dumpster... oh well, we had fun!

28. Don't make fun of Papa's shortness.

Some time ago he was doing an experiment and accidentally turned himself into a child... I remember, because he was the same age as we and we played pirates together. It was fun. Anyways, when he turned back into an adult he was, ah... A lot shorter than he used to be. Now he's only five feet tall. Shorter than Uncle John... And he doesn't like it when people tease him about it.

29. Don't go swimming anywhere there isn't a life guard.

Papa HATES water and he always tells me he's going to have a heart attack if I keep jumping in the river... what can I say, its fun? Especially when you jump off the bridge and into the river. I love doing it! And so does Uncle John! Papa is still convinced it isn't safe and that we're going to drown. Seriously Papa, I fully capable of swimming.

30. If you are covered in blood, don't even try to get a cab.

Papa has done this multiple times, instead of just going right to the tube. Seriously, if you're covered in blood, NONE of the cabs will take you. Just save yourself the time, Papa, and take

the tube!

Reviews are appreciated!


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